In what sounds more like a dark satire than an international assassination attempt, the failed plot to kill journalist Masih Alinejad has revealed not just the ruthlessness of authoritarian regimes but also the sheer incompetence of the people they sometimes rely on. The case, which is now unfolding in a New York federal court, is a cautionary tale about the dangerous intersection of state-sponsored terrorism and sheer human stupidity.
A Plot Destined for Failure
Masih Alinejad, a fierce critic of the Iranian government and advocate for women’s rights, has long been a target of Tehran’s oppressive regime. Having fled Iran in the aftermath of the disputed 2009 presidential election, she has used her platform to challenge the country’s draconian policies, particularly those that restrict women’s freedoms. Her activism, including something as simple as posting videos of herself without a hijab, was enough to put her in the crosshairs of Iranian authorities.
The plot to assassinate Alinejad was reportedly orchestrated by an Eastern European criminal network, allegedly acting on behalf of the Iranian regime. Two Azerbaijani men recruited a low-level thug, Khalid Mehdiyev, to carry out the hit for $30,000. It was a job that should have been straightforward—track the target, execute the mission, and disappear.
Instead, it became a farcical disaster.
Blunders That Gave the Game Away
The moment Mehdiyev arrived in Brooklyn, it was clear he was not cut out for the job. Instead of maintaining a low profile, he loitered around Alinejad’s house, peered through her windows, and even fiddled with her door handle in broad daylight.
If that wasn’t enough to raise suspicion, his next move sealed his fate. In an inexplicable attempt to establish contact with his target, he sent her poorly written messages asking for help with “immigrants paper.” His text—“U the best journalist”—was less of a threat and more of a bizarre fan letter.
But the comedy of errors didn’t stop there. Mehdiyev, tasked with a covert operation, made rookie mistakes that would make even the most inept criminals cringe. He frequently stepped out of his car, drawing unnecessary attention. He ordered food to the very location where he was supposed to be staking out his target. And, in what can only be described as the ultimate act of self-sabotage, he ran a stop sign while carrying an AK-47, cash, ammunition, and a ski mask in his car.
This reckless driving maneuver led to the inevitable—he was pulled over by the police, arrested on a firearms charge, and exposed as an incompetent assassin.
A Botched Job and an Angry Boss
Once in jail, Mehdiyev faced an entirely new set of problems. Using a smuggled phone, he attempted to contact his handlers, only to be met with furious expletives. His Azerbaijani boss, stunned by the level of incompetence, screamed at him over the phone:
"Where the fk you at? How the fk are you in jail? You were at the journalist's house!"
The conversation highlighted the absurdity of the entire operation. Not only had the assassination failed, but the hired killer had managed to land himself in jail before even pulling the trigger.
During the trial, Mehdiyev admitted that he was promised $30,000 to either shoot Alinejad or set her house on fire. He also confessed to his string of humiliating missteps.
A Disturbing Pattern of Attacks on Dissidents
While this particular plot ended in embarrassment for the perpetrators, it underscores a much darker reality: authoritarian regimes are increasingly targeting dissidents abroad. Iran has a history of silencing critics, and Alinejad is not the first journalist or activist to be targeted.
State-sponsored attacks on dissidents have been on the rise, with governments using hired criminals, cyberattacks, and surveillance to eliminate threats beyond their borders. The botched attempt on Alinejad’s life is a grim reminder that even in democratic nations like the U.S., political exiles are not safe.
Lessons from an Assassination Gone Wrong
The sheer incompetence displayed in this case should not distract from the seriousness of the issue. Alinejad’s survival was not due to robust security measures but rather the sheer stupidity of her would-be killer. Next time, another regime critic might not be so lucky.
This incident raises urgent questions about how international governments handle politically motivated threats on their soil. If a hitman can stalk a journalist for days without immediate intervention, how many others are slipping through the cracks?
The failure of this assassination attempt is a victory for free speech, but it is also a stark warning. While Mehdiyev’s blunders may have saved Alinejad’s life, they do not erase the chilling reality that foreign powers are willing to go to extreme lengths to silence their critics—even if they have to rely on the world’s most incompetent assassin to do it.